is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
