I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
