so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
