Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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