still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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