All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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