Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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