My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
