If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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