Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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