When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
