Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
