You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
