Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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