doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
