Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
