he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
