Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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