420 ftw
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
