someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
