I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
