i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize