I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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