My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
