Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
