p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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