omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just cropdusted the office
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
