Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
