He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
