my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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