he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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