O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
