I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
