just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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