and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
