So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I currently don't understand fingers.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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