we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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