Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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