he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
