sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
