You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize