So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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