i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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