Buhtt sex?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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