3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
