Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
