id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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