Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
