so explain again why im purple
no
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
