So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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