I want to make a zoo with you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize