the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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