8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
