got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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