WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
