GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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