if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
