it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bring money and cleavage
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
