Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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