Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
