i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
