I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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