One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
