I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
