Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize