I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
