Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize