So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
