I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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