I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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