My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's always time for handjobs
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
