Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Damn victory sex feels great
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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