this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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