Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
